No really. Fuck it. Have you seen Elizabeth Gilbert’s amazing Facebook post today, about feeling the “wrong” emotion? If you haven’t, take a minute and go read it. I’ll wait.
This is one of the most powerful, truthful, naked things I have ever read and I spent a large chunk of it thinking, “Oh yes, me too. Yes. ”
My friends, listen: I want you to learn how to feel what you are feeling — not what you think you are SUPPOSED to feel, but what you ACTUALLY feel.
And I want you to guide your own life based on that, and only that.
Phew. Read that again. Go on. I’ll wait.
For the last couple of years I’ve been stuck on this idea. I am supposed to be “aging gracefully.”
And what’s more? That I’m supposed to LIKE IT.
I decided to “age gracefully” a few years ago. (Actually I think I was just feeling too lazy to go to the salon to get my roots done, and I constructed an elaborate scheme to make it okay. -ed) Filling Pinterest boards with youthful looking, active ladies doing yoga, sporting sleek grey hair and skinny jeans, I decided to let mine grow out. I kept telling myself I was really happy with it. That yoga isn’t so bad. Truthfully?
My new grey hair was not sleek. I can’t wear skinny jeans.
I hate yoga.
The internet says that my 40’s are this powerful and amazing time of self knowledge, where all has been revealed. That’s the industry standard of aging, now. Your 40’s are supposedly the new 20’s (or some such bunk). Well that’s not how my 40’s are feeling.
I am feeling the wrong emotion, y’all.
Definitely this decade has a leg up on my 20’s. I do feel a lot more at home in this skin overall. I’m more confident, that’s true. But I still feel like I’m just doing my best to figure it all out. Only now – in addition to staring into the unknown – my knees hurt, I can’t eat dairy and y’all, I am having a hard time embracing my saggy chin.
I recently read something that said how after 40, the training wheels come off. Boy howdy do they ever.
Shit gets real.
What’s real is? Time is marching. There is no time to waste on the wrong emotion, other people’s ideas, or any “shoulds” that you bought into. Fuck other people’s arbitrary rules about how we age. Fuck the elaborate facade of crunchy, natural womanhood. Or carefully polished, made up womanhood, for that matter. You do you. I’m out, y’all. I missed my brightly colored hair, I missed lipstick, and I’ve really missed getting my eyebrows waxed. I’ll try being youthfully grey and all-natural in another ten or so, okay?
I’ll try yoga again then too.
What’s real is, this is what we get.
SO MAKE THE MOST OF IT.
I have Elizabeth Gilbert to thank (or blame) for this, btw. I read her post this morning and decided to go all in with what I really wanted.
I’m so glad I did. Welcome back, baby. The insides match the outsides once more. I’m so happy!
Finally. I’m feeling the right emotion.
Btw, we packed up the cats, the yarn, the art studio and the books, and trundled back down to the land of swimming pools and movie stars a few weeks ago. Because, Reasons. Which means, that…
If you need an awesome labor or postpartum doula and you’re located in Southern California? You’re in luck! Call me! The San Gabriel Valley Doula!