Getting over myself.

A year or two ago, I took a couple of e-courses on running a jewelry business and since one of the perks is lifetime access, I’m re-doing the financial/business course this month.

I am hoping I can stay on board long enough to get the information that will be helpful to me, this time around. Last time I really sabotaged myself and there was a lot of ego in the way. I didn’t want to hear a lot of what they had to say about what I was doing wrong – or if not wrong, at least inefficiently. So really, the question is not, “Can this course help me.” but rather it is, “Can I get out of my own way long enough to let it help me?”

I guess we’ll see.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about blocks and fear and why it is scary to succeed. How we sabotage ourselves and get in our own way. For example, I had a tremendously successful Celtic Faire this March and came to the realization that we were going to do really well at Ren Faires and that type of event. You wanna talk Dream Clients? Those are my people. I signed up for ALL THE FAIRES. Then we had booth issues, canvas issues, a bum knee… all this crappy life stuff that came up to get in the way of me being able to actually get to the Faires.

What is that about, anyway? Did I manifest that? Create that? Did I just go along with the suggestion that it was impossible, because I am secretly afraid of actually getting the awesome life I say I want?

Is that part of what happened at Crafted?

What is so scary about making it, anyway?

If the last few years have shown me anything, they’ve shown me that if I really want something, then I’ve got to work hard and actually sacrifice for it. Maybe that’s the missing piece right there. Sacrifice. I’ve never really wanted to give something up to have something else. All about the power of “and” over here. But I am coming to think you can’t get there from here without it. Without being tired and giving stuff up and working hard and paying dues. Don’t get me wrong. I work hard. I do. But… maybe I’m not quite working hard the right way. Maybe I’m spinning my wheels in the sand and making a hole, rather than gaining traction in my field.

There will always be hurdles and blocks. There will always be something in the way. There will always be a reason to dismiss something helpful or “yeah but” all of the wisdom that comes my way because I don’t like how it is worded or presented. There will always be some external very good reason why it isn’t my fault.

The big question is, what am I going to do with all that?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

What are your super-limiting core beliefs? Have you ever thought about that? What do you do to challenge them?

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About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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14 Responses to Getting over myself.

  1. The_Lab_Rat says:

    Oh boy, do I hear you, Rain! It’s hard, scary, risky, doubt-growing, but-what-if-I-fail!-laying-awake-at-night-dreading-what-hasn’t-even-come-close-to-happening-yet. but… there is still that dream, that flash of bright, warm light off in the distance, and you can see it between the Trees of Doubt. I figure it’s like going through Murkwood. yes, there’s a forest of reasons why you can never find your way to the other side, and the treasure in the Lonely Mountain. But you have your pack of supplies and your knife (those wonderful classes you’ve taken, your inner talent) and your fellowship – friends, fellow crafters. Every challenge, you will surpass. And the lark will be at the doorway when you get there.

  2. I can so relate to what you’ve been going through, because that is so much like what my life has been like over the last few years. It so feels like one step forward and three steps back. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is testing me, just to make sure if this really what I want. Even when I say yes, this is what I want, I have to follow through with the action and sometimes even taking the action while I’m recovering from an injury.

    Hang in there, and just keep plugging away. One of these days the universe will get the message!

  3. Marilyn says:

    Good post and many of the thought I have thought about what I have done with my small business. So many road blocks and then wonder why others have succeeded where I have stayed small. Now I really don’t want to put myself out there and want to just play so I keep it small on purpose. Good luck, you can do it. I am counting on you.

    • Rainy says:

      ❤ Thanks, Marilyn. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. Raising a teacup your way. It's not teal, but, it's got tea in it. ;-D

  4. Hi Rain, WHAT A SMACK IN THE FACE!!!! This is just so true for me! I personally am not really disciplined or organized!!! I used to think “organized, I can’t do that I will lose my creativity”!!! I am not as convinced that is the truth anymore…LOL. I don’t know if I can pinpoint just one issue but the FEAR is really there!!! Thanks so much for the reminder that it is just so much BS!!!

    • Rainy says:

      I’m kind of laughing because everyone is like, “Oh, headsmack.” and I’m really happy it struck a chord with people and I also know that we’re all doing the very best we can. One step at a time, right?

  5. Damn you, Rainy. You’ve laid out my life, almost exactly. I am certainly my own worst enemy. I discuss it in therapy, and I still seem utterly incapable of taking that final step to the side. I fear that I let my health be excuse to NOT thrive. I have hopes, dreams, desires, but they seem to remain that, because I can’t just dig in and DO. I’m what that voice in my head has always told me I am. I can’t seem to actually DO what it takes to become my full me. Lots of love and support to you, lady. Maybe we’ll both eventually learn how to stop self sabotaging.

    • Rainy says:

      Aw Tracy, I so get it. But I hope you also know that you are exactly perfect right now because you are RIGHT where you are meant to be in this moment. It’s all coming together. You are at the exact right point in the exact right journey. ❤ ❤ ❤

  6. Dot Cannon says:

    Wow, Rain. Thank you.

    This post is EXACTLY what I needed to read, right now, as I work to get my small business up and running.

    What I seem to conjure up, somehow, are too many opportunities! I’ll have chosen to do something, see the first sprouts or watch the wings slowly unfurl–and then, all at once, a glittering “Option B” surfaces, out of nowhere! Then, I somehow have to choose to do everything–which translates to late nights, exhaustion, six places to spend every minute–and, ultimately, having chosen–to not really achieve the goal I wanted.

    Like you, I do wonder if we create circumstances like these–and if so, why?

    Thank you for my reality check. Or, perhaps, my “create-your-reality” check. Maybe the Universe meant me to see this today, to remember to focus on where I want to go.

    I agree that you can do it! I loved your jewelry at CRAFTED, and have received a bunch of compliments on my lemon-quartz crystal pendant you created. I’ll look forward to seeing you at future Ren Faires. Are you going to Patchwork or Renegade?

    • Rainy says:

      Dot, no I won’t be at Patchwork or Renegade in Southern CA – we’ve moved up to Northern California and are focused on the circuit up here. I may try Patchwork in Oakland next year. We are trying to get into the Nottingham Festival this fall, which is in Southern California, I’ll let you know if we do! And I’m glad this post was meaningful to you in some way. 🙂

  7. Bjo Trimble says:

    Oh my dear, you have just described my life, too! Please change that attitude now, while you have time to enjoy the results. Waiting until “something good happens” is not the answer. I’m walkin’ talkin’ living proof of that! Good luck on your journey.

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