Remember when I fell down the stairs before the Celtic Faire last month? Apparently I did something bad to my knee. My mom suggested a trip to the knee doctor and a cane. While I am more than happy to whip out my new “Thanks President Obama!” insurance card out anywhere that will accept it, I didn’t like the cane idea one bit.
My mom is a clever and resourceful woman, however. She didn’t nag. She just… took me to Costco. I needed birdseed. The birdseed lives in the farthest possible corner from the front door. And naturally, on the way to birdseed, she had to visit all the sample ladies. It was potsticker day. God forbid we miss something tasty.
I was pretty much good with the cane idea by the time we hit the freezer section.
“That’s awful.” you might be thinking. But no, not really. My mom is a nurse. Nurses are super good at dealing with stubborn people (and silently relishing the schadenfreude of their inevitable victory but never tell her I said that). “You’ll figure it out eventually.” they think to themselves, watching you ignore their good advice as you hobble all the way to the Aisle 49. They barely ooze any smugness when you finally capitulate with a muttered, “Well played. Welcome to the Evil League of Evil. Here’s your decoder ring. Can we go get a cane now?”
“Yes of course dear. If you’d like.”
Like they didn’t totally know they were going to win before you ever hit the front door of the freaking warehouse superstore.
One upside of a cane is that you can shake it at squirrels when you are feeling full of stabby rage at life, the universe, and your knee. You can totally shake your cane at them. While you’re shaking your cane, you can yell, “GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU DAMN SQUIRRELS! STAY OFF THAT BIRD FEEDER, TOO!” Bonus points when you curse their damn squirrel rap music.
It’s the little things.