Our Last Day

Last Day

So yesterday we loaded up the remaining inventory, took Ozma off the wall and turned off the lights for the last time in booth 116. We will go back to get all the packed up things out of the booth at some point, but really, this was it.

Yesterday might have been one of the harder days I’ve had, really. It was right up there with the day that The Ex Mr. Honey&Ollie moved out. Right up there with bad breakups and lost jobs.

So this morning has started off with a bit of, “Well what am I going to do now?” There are orders to get out, of course, and things that need to be done, and frankly, I just can’t get arsed to care. The last thing I want to do is walk in to my studio this morning.

Hell, even my usual round of reading blogs/art inspiration/Pinterest is distressing. Looking about at blogs and art and things that other people are doing just seems to point up all the things I’m not great at or don’t know how to do. It’s all coming together and generating this perfect storm of feelings of failure, which is not really why I go around looking at art and blogs in general. Inspiration should not inspire one to greater depths of despair! But maybe today is not the day to look at everybody else’s highlights reel.

Some mornings you really just want to curl up under a blanket and put a pillow on your head. And this is one of them. This morning, about all I can say is that I am not going to curl up in a fetal position and put my head under a pillow. And that’s about the best I’ve got.

I think that, today, I’m just going to take it minute by minute. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be up to hours. And then I’ll be in Kansas where everything will be new and alien and I’ll be worried about thunderstorms and the possibility of a tornado picking up the house we’re staying in and dropping it on a witch. And me without ruby slippers. We timed this trip on purpose, so it would give me no time to stew about failures and skillsets I don’t have yet and the horrible looming question of “What Am I Going To DOOOOO?” which seems like it should be settled by now, at the ripe age of 42.

Perhaps today, however, the best I can do is avoid all the blogs and all the talent and all the highlights. Today it’s just me and some cats, and later on Captain Sexypants will come by and we’ll watch a movie, and it’ll be what it is. Minute by minute.

it’s good to do your best, whatever that looks like.

Advertisements

About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
This entry was posted in Crafted at the Port of LA, gratitude, The Artist and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Our Last Day

  1. fiberdazed says:

    Oh boy, can I relate to what you’re going through. I’ve had two businesses where I too closed up. One was after 10 years and the other after just one year. Both times, I had that ugly failure monster raise it’s head.

    Be kind to yourself. You’re not a failure, you’re making an active choice to take life in a different direction. It’ll take a little while to adjust. And good for you to take a well earned vacation!

  2. Merchimerch says:

    Hugs. Sorry the journey is so rough a the moment. Hope things look sunnier after you’re not in Kansas anymore. Seriously though, a little vacation, space, and time should help with the perspective. You have made some great art and I know you’ll make more.

  3. Kim says:

    Not curling up & hiding you head sounds like a tall order to me. It took more courage to try than most people have to start with so from where I sit. You get a big BRAVO for bravery… What you do know is learn the lesson, Rest a minute, Kiss Capt Sexy Pants, Then get up tomorrow & keep trudging (walk with purpose) You have a whole new adventure unfloding in front of you Go get the ruby slippers!!!!

  4. annieshirts says:

    Remember that people are always tooting their horns and sharing their highlights reel for the successes, but rarely do the same for the lowlights… The fact that you are sharing this lowlight is inspiring!! And remember your blog post intro which is what drove me here to read this post: “Yesterday was our last day. Today is the first day”. This is oh so true… Today is the first day of something FABULOUS (you just might not know what it is yet!!).

  5. Kelly says:

    I’m so proud for you, Rain…you’ve done things that most people don’t have the nerve to do…opened your own business…pursued your passion…learned new things!

    (also…49 here…and still no idea what i want to be when i grow up! Not proud of it…it’s just a fact…jack.)

  6. Amanda says:

    39 and have no idea what to be when I grow up. No clue at all. Unless someone out there will pay me to hug cats, knit, and hang out with elderly people.

    Have fun in Kansas and watch out for the weather…

  7. Dot says:

    Rain,

    You are so NOT a failure. You create beautiful things and have some major talent, and I really enjoyed talking with you at CRAFTED. (I’ve had that experience, too, where, supposedly, if you “do what you love, the money will follow”–but the economy’s so nutty that no matter how well you do things, sometimes you’re doing them for love–and that’s it.)

    Have a safe journey, and I’ll look forward to seeing your creations in the future!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s