So yesterday we loaded up the remaining inventory, took Ozma off the wall and turned off the lights for the last time in booth 116. We will go back to get all the packed up things out of the booth at some point, but really, this was it.
Yesterday might have been one of the harder days I’ve had, really. It was right up there with the day that The Ex Mr. Honey&Ollie moved out. Right up there with bad breakups and lost jobs.
So this morning has started off with a bit of, “Well what am I going to do now?” There are orders to get out, of course, and things that need to be done, and frankly, I just can’t get arsed to care. The last thing I want to do is walk in to my studio this morning.
Hell, even my usual round of reading blogs/art inspiration/Pinterest is distressing. Looking about at blogs and art and things that other people are doing just seems to point up all the things I’m not great at or don’t know how to do. It’s all coming together and generating this perfect storm of feelings of failure, which is not really why I go around looking at art and blogs in general. Inspiration should not inspire one to greater depths of despair! But maybe today is not the day to look at everybody else’s highlights reel.
Some mornings you really just want to curl up under a blanket and put a pillow on your head. And this is one of them. This morning, about all I can say is that I am not going to curl up in a fetal position and put my head under a pillow. And that’s about the best I’ve got.
I think that, today, I’m just going to take it minute by minute. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be up to hours. And then I’ll be in Kansas where everything will be new and alien and I’ll be worried about thunderstorms and the possibility of a tornado picking up the house we’re staying in and dropping it on a witch. And me without ruby slippers. We timed this trip on purpose, so it would give me no time to stew about failures and skillsets I don’t have yet and the horrible looming question of “What Am I Going To DOOOOO?” which seems like it should be settled by now, at the ripe age of 42.
Perhaps today, however, the best I can do is avoid all the blogs and all the talent and all the highlights. Today it’s just me and some cats, and later on Captain Sexypants will come by and we’ll watch a movie, and it’ll be what it is. Minute by minute.
it’s good to do your best, whatever that looks like.