Hey, is that my future at the door? Yes, I think it’s here.

tiniest anvil ever

The rain is coming down hard and cold outside, and I am warm and snug in Casa Fabulous, staring anxiously at my bead order from Fire Mountain.

gems

The future is really, really scary. There’s a lot going on here at the Honey & Ollie studio. Tools arriving, beads and wire and supplies. Classes ongoing, workshops in development, legal documents being filed (I am now an LLC! OMG!), taxes and licenses being figured out. I am awash in ideas, and some days I feel like I am drowning. I am realizing that I have so much to learn and that there is so much at stake with this venture. There are no guarantees. Ever since I really committed to this course of action, ever since I admitted to myself that going into nursing or dietetics (what I’ve spent the last 2 years preparing for in school) feels soul crushing because it is NOT what I really want to be doing, things have been heating up. Saying what I really want has put it all on the line. It’s time to put my money where my mouth is. No pressure there…

The result of all this is that I’ve found myself challenged when it comes time to get into creative mode. I’ve avoided the studio, piled stuff high on the table so that I didn’t have to sit and work there. Frankly, it’s been freaking me out. I said “Yes I want this.” and have been running screaming ever since.

Mon capitan and I, we sat down and talked it out a little. I was finally able to articulate how scared I am of the future and of failure. Phew. There. It’s said. What if this doesn’t work? Especially since I’ve put it out there, declared my intention and gotten off to such a powerful start. Especially because everyone is watching (because, yanno, I’m putting it all out on the internet for them to see, natch). Articulating it to him helped. I figured, saying it out loud here can only help too.

maxwell's silver hammer

Because that’s what I got from our conversation. We’re all scared of failure and maybe being a little more honest about that with each other will create stronger connections. Our tribes can hold us up or we can let our fear of what they think drag us down. Well me, I choose up.

Thinking it through a little more, I was reminded that courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is stepping into the scary stuff even though you are shaking in your boots.

What’s that cliché? “The only way out is through.” There’s also the classic, “Every journey starts with one step.”

One foot in front of the other. One action at a time. It is time to take action.

So here’s my question, my challenge to you. Reach out to someone in your tribe and tell them what scares you about your life, success, whatever. And see if together you can come up with one step, just one, that you can take to address that fear. Leave me a comment, let me know. I’m really curious. What tools will you use to work with that?

Toolbox

So the other nagging issue… what’s up with the blog? Well I am finding that trying to do 3-4 quality posts a week is adding to my list of crazypants, anxiety inducing stuff. In light of that, and because this space too (like everything else) is a work in progress, I’m trying a new approach. Look for new Honey & Ollie content on Mondays and Fridays. There will still be art journaling, mandala making, more LA Stories, more shiny pretty things, thinky thoughts and humor. I’m also looking forward to having a featured guest artist from time to time. I’m really excited about some of the people you’ll be seeing here over the next few months.

Check back here on Friday, I’ve got a fun tutorial planned and I think you’re gonna love it!!

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About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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15 Responses to Hey, is that my future at the door? Yes, I think it’s here.

  1. Shawna says:

    I’m curious, what is the thing the hammer is resting on?

    I have a hammer and anvil very similar to the ones pictured here. They are marvelous!

    If you are interested, I would love to be a guest artist on here sometime. I have no idea whether that was impertinent to ask or not… ^_^;;;

    • Rainy says:

      I am going to poke you on FB re: guest artist and YES very interested, not impertinent atall…

      The little square is a steel capped wood bench block. It’s what you rest wire or metal on for hammering. I’ve got a larger one that is all steel, which is super heavy that I use for metal stamping and bigger stuff. This one is great for hammering wire and small bits and bobs. It’s also super light, so you can take it to shows or events in case you need to make a finding or adjust a piece for someone. I got it at either volcano arts or objects and elements.

  2. Elli says:

    GO YOU!

    It’s always scary taking that first leap. There will be wild successes and things that don’t go how you want them to go, but the fact that you’re DOING IT, when countless others just DREAM IT…

    Well, it means you’re pretty dang awesome.

  3. Bailey says:

    Wheeeee!!!

  4. CambriaW says:

    Well, since I consider you to be a distant member of my tribe, I’ll tell you that my greatest fear is that I’ll fail my oldest son. He has ADHD, and I’m afraid that I won’t teach him everything he needs to advocate for himself, to be independent, to hold himself up when the world tries to beat him down. I’ve gone to every back-to-school night, met with his teachers and counselors, enrolled him in therapy to go with his medication (two-fold approach is statistically the best), and gone back to school to get a degree in psychology with emphasis in child development and applied behavioral analysis. And still I worry that I’m not doing enough to make sure he will succeed in life. Right now while I’m typing this, I feel the fear well up and the anguish, and the tears getting ready to start…so I’m done confessing for now.

    P.S. what ever you’re doing with these beads… put me down for one! Seriously. 🙂

    • Rainy says:

      You got it, Cam ❤

      I have to say that I don't think you're going to fail your son at all. You bring so much to the table in terms of your commitment to his well being, to his being able to handle the world on his terms and be okay… ultimately, whether or not he succeeds in life is really up to him. The foundation you have already given him is more than so many children are ever offered. And you aren't done yet.

      I've got so much faith in you, lady.

  5. Tammy says:

    Rainy, We’re on the same wavelength! I’m so happy for you, for going for it, for heading off on an adventure. I wish you success in your beady-metallic endeavors.

  6. Anne says:

    Sweetie, you are going to totally kick butt. I know you are. If I know it, then it must be so. First daughter of a first daughter, of a first daughter, etc. and so on. The fact that you are brave enough to try is a huge success in and of itself.

    This year, for me? I am trying really hard to get rid of completely inappropriate goals for myself. I know that seems like an odd thing maybe to give up on, but I have always felt like I could do anything, but I really cannot anymore. And sometimes, I have enough other stuff going on holding health issues together, I can just do what I can do, and that’s an accomplishment some days in and of itself. That is a big thing for me and I’m working on it. I have taken a coupla-three things off my MUST DO life list, and trying to be more realistic about what I can handle without completely exhausting and overwhelming myself.

    So if I can do THAT…. I know you can do all that you dream about.

    • Rainy says:

      thank you. ❤ Thank you for the encouragement and the wisdom of a first daughter of many first daughters. 🙂

      Maybe you aren't giving up on things so much as you are just, narrowing it down to the really critical, important things?

  7. Marilyn says:

    I had been wondering what was happening with you. I was 40 when I realized I had to put a voice to what I want. I ended up having a 25 year career doing just that. But always and still I fear my voice. I fear stepping on someones toes or over shadowing someone else. So we (you and I) must keep pushing through and becoming. I can’t wait to see where the journey takes you.

    • Rainy says:

      I’m not quite sure what’s happening… something! Pretty much a work in progress, but at least I’m pointing towards what I want to be instead of something I think I should be.

      • Delia says:

        So is it in the air . . . 🙂

        What struck me just now was your statement “….I’m pointing towards what I want to be instead of something I think I should be.”

        It’s a long story . . . but I think the general gist for me is that I’ve done what I thought I was spose to do because I didn’t get great feedback when I went in another direction.

        I just flashed back to when I left home. I was 18, I was doing a little drinking, I didn’t want to go to college and become a lawyer and no matter how many times I whispered it, no one heard me and had laid the plan before me . . . so I split . . . and yet, I was still so damn compliant – when they (my parents) demanded I give up the car, I dutifully returned it to the driveway in the middle of the night.

        GOOD GAWD GURTY . . . beneath the rough exterior beats the heart of a kitten ever since . . . and I say kitten because ya just never know when we might put our ears back and attack your face when you least expect it . . . but we’re still rather timid.

        On the precipice of the further journey I face . . . everyday feels like a ‘what now’ moment . . . running a biz, raisin’ a girlie, battling the man, missing my boy . . . everyday feels new and different with more differences to come. I fear a great deal, like many do . . . mostly I fear that I will retreat because the battle feels bigger . . . there! I said it out loud.

        So I have a new friend and she wrote me a love note and it says, in part, “You can do this . . . move forward” and so I taped it to my worktable as a daily reminder from a member of my new community. I have another friend who reminded me that ‘love is all around [me], [I] just need to let it in’ . . . I taped that to the table too. I have a another friend who told me today that I would not be able to retreat, with her around and reminded me that the best thing I can do for my children is take care of myself and demonstrate for them, that those things that do not kill me, really, only make me stronger, more compassionate and closer to those that are around me.

        I have a voice, I will not retreat, I will move towards who I want to be and no longer live the uncomfortable, compliant lie of who I think I’m spose to be.

        Thank you Rain for the space to share.

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