My assignment today for class was to write up a quick 5 day exercise schedule that I could realistically follow, to improve my overall health and well being.
“The ugly truth is that I am a sedentary couch potato who prefers lining up my 5 DVD changer for extended Battlestar Galactica marathons over running the real thing. I am also an avid knitter. Experience has shown me that is impossible to knit while doing most forms of exercise. While I have not yet tried it on a stationary bike, I have horrible memories of an incident involving a treadmill, a ball of cashmere and a double pointed needle. Since I spend most of my free time knitting, it really cuts into my available exercise time. The phrase “include exercises you enjoy” also makes completion of this assignment problematic, as the painful truth is that there is no form of exercise which I enjoy. I would rather have a root canal than work up a sweat. An ideal exercise regimen for me, meaning one that I might actually follow through with, if the stars lined up and someone bribed me with cashmere, would look something like the following schedule:
Monday: Meet a friend and take a 20-30 minute brisk walk.
Tuesday: 60 minute beginning yoga class.
Wednesday: Meet a friend and take a 20-30 minute brisk walk.
Thursday: 60 minute beginning yoga class.
Friday: Spinning for 1-2 hours – on my spinning wheel, which involves treadling and actually does work up a little bit of a sweat. This also has the added benefit of producing yarn, coming in handy for knitting.
Saturday: 60 minute bike ride at a moderate pace, stopping at the gelato shop at the top of Lake and Altadena at the halfway point, for a little refresher.
This is something that, in theory, I could maintain. I might skip a day here or there, but nothing on that list is beyond my abilities. Sadly, I do not live in Theory. I live in reality. In reality, this schedule would look something like the following:
Monday: Friend calls and can’t make it for walk as there is an emergency with her turtle. Decide that my neighborhood is a little too scary to walk in alone, as there might be coyotes or mountain lions, and skip the walk. Put on a DVD, eat chips, and knit.
Tuesday: Sleep through alarm, misplace yoga pants, get a ticket on Fair Oaks just after the bridge, and miss beginning yoga class. Stop for a venti whole milk mocha, extra whip, and a low fat raspberry muffin to console myself.
Wednesday: Meet my friend for our walk. Take the dog. Dog will want to stop at every blade of grass and will probably have digestive issues. Get frustrated by this after two blocks. Friend will get a cramp, then suggest we go home, gossip about people we know, drink tea and eat chips. Agree, as this sounds better than breaking into a sweat.
Thursday: Actually make it to yoga class. Whine that certain poses are painful to joints. Skip those poses. Do other poses and worry the whole time that the cute guy behind me is staring at my ginormous hind end during downward facing dog. Post class, rush to Starbucks for mocha and restorative croissant to reduce anxiety about downward facing dog. Push thoughts of ginormous hind end from mind, have another croissant.
Friday: Go all out and treadle spinning wheel for 3 hours, working up a moderate increase in heart rate and turning out 300 yards of superwash sock yarn. Success!
Saturday: Whine about coyotes and mountain lions lying in wait for unsuspecting cyclists. Discover that front tire is flat and ipod is out of batteries. Waffle about whether or not to go riding at all. Instead, just go out for waffles. Take car. Stop for gelato on the way home from waffles.”
I am really hoping that I can get an A for “brutal honesty” because that’s all I’ve got…