high resolution

I’ve never been a big one for the New Year’s resolutions, mainly because I tend not to keep them. It’s hard to follow through on stuff, you lose interest, old habits that are ingrained stay ingrained and new ones never quite take hold. I’ve tried saying, “Oh, I will spin one skein of yarn per month and knit one pair of socks.” Invariably, what ends up happening is that I knit no socks for 3 months, and spin 9 skeins of yarn. Or I knit nothing at all. Or I decide to knit a sweater. If I’ve learned anything in the last few years, it would be that I can’t micromanage my life that way, not really. Certainly not if I want to feel like I’ve accomplished anything at the end of it all, beyond a fat wad of FAIL.

Still… this is that time of year where we feel compelled to resolve upon things. Where we look back at the days we just lived, and we put them into some semblance of order and reconcile ourselves to the truths revealed within that order.

2009 was not the best of years for me, but it was not a horrible year either. It was a whole year that I got to live in the most fabulous little house I’ve ever dreamed of, nestled in the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains. It was the year that the biggest forest fire in LA County history came within ¼ of a mile from my little house and then stopped. On the other hand, it was the year that I broke up with someone I love dearly, and lost a friendship that was more precious to me than I knew until it was gone. It was a year where I struggled with depression and sadness, not always entirely successfully. It’s been a year where I’ve dealt with continuing emotional fallout from the dissolution of my marriage, and at the same time, one in which my ex husband and I have solidified a deep and abiding friendship.

2009 was the year in which I entered my 40’s which everyone assures me are superior in every way to the decades that have come before. It is the year I looked back at my 30’s and wondered what the hell I was thinking for much of them. And why I didn’t make more of them.

2009 was a bloody confusing mixed bag of tricks, it was. And here at the end of it, I am not much changed. I am still living in my little beloved cottage, I am still in school, and I am still parenting two lovely girls who delight me every day. I am still struggling with depression, sadness, and the breakup that has left me reeling. I am still blessed with friends around the globe, a wonderful family, and an abundance of cats who do not believe I will ever make good on my threats to bake them into pies when they are naughty. I have made some wonderful things with fiber and I am looking forward to making more of them in the days to come. If the coming year brings more of the same, I will not really consider it awful. I do not think that things must be perfect to be good. Sometimes life is bittersweet and you just have to make the very best of it that you can. I am blessed with an abundance of sweet and this never leaves me less than totally grateful.

So sure, there are things I have resolved to change. Save more money, budget wisely, be more frugal. Lose a few pounds. Eat more green vegetables and fewer French fries. Get in better shape. Knit more, spin more, study more efficiently, get better grades, ride my bike more. Go to temple more often. Learn Hebrew. Study Torah. Make better little daily choices. And who knows, I may succeed in making those changes or I may not. The future is hard to see. It’s just here anyway, right in front of us, waiting for us to create it as we go.

I think if I could resolve one firm thing as the year turns? It would be that I want to be better in every possible way, this year. That is what I’d like to create as I go.

Happy New Year to my friends, from Casa Fabulous and all who dwell within it.

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About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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9 Responses to high resolution

  1. Mouse says:

    Happy New Year from all of us at Chez Mousie to all of you at Casa Fabulous (& the army of cloned tuxedo cats)

  2. Knitnana says:

    A beautiful, thoughtful post! I suspect that you will indeed live a year that’s better…(different, too).

    And I bet you make some lovely fibery things (because that’s just what you DO!)

    I’m delighted to call you friend.
    Happy New Year, Rainy!
    (((((hugs)))))

  3. Anne says:

    Happy New Year, Rain!

    I think you’ll have great success if you just keep the “better” concept in your mind. Even small betters are better. 🙂

  4. cat says:

    I found your post really touching…probably because I entered my 40’s in 2009 and people promised me the same. I have had different experiences to yours and yet I recognise the place you write about. I’ve been reading your blog for a while – not sure if I’ve commented much or at all. But …well…best wishes for 2010.

  5. Wendy says:

    Happy new year to you and the girls! I, too, hope to spin and knit more and be generally better. I’ve decided not to spin or knit specifically for the Fair this year as last year’s project was fabulous, but the Fair part was a bore. I think that will let me relax into the winter a bit.

    Mostly I’m hoping to relax into my life more, enjoy the day-to-day and not get all het up about stuff. I’m about to hit the one-year mark with my new job, which means I’ve done everything once, and that should help.

    “Stop and smell the roses” isn’t an aphorism for nothing!

    • Rainy says:

      We should get together and spin sometime. I really enjoyed it the time we did! And I think I am closer to you now.

  6. Marilyn says:

    We all have our good times and our rough times. I wish for you in 2010 a year full of the good times in the Casa Fabulous.

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