The Batlady Cleans…

We’ve all heard about the Flylady, I’m sure, that uber happy gal who advocates cleaning your house in a very systematic but effective fashion and whose chirpy reminder emails are apparently legion. Er, frequent. Like, crazily so. Well she’s a little bit too happy for me, frankly, I’m a little suspicious of anyone who is that cheerful. Some Goth folks I know started this group called BatLady which is TOTALLY riffing off the Flylady schtick, but without the annoying reminder emails, no religious overtones, and you know, it includes bats. And stompy boots. So, it is right up my alley.

After 4 back to back school terms, my house looks as if a small horde of Mongol raiders swept over it, so I have busted out all my old Batlady journals and am attempting to put together something resembling an organized approach to getting my house back together. It was while contemplating this, that I realized there isn’t much that’s spooky about cleaning the stove. So I came up with a little Goth dance to do at the same time.

1. Fill sink with hot soapy water and waft a little.
2. Turn, back step, flail arms, and dance to stove.
3. Pick up the burner plate.
4. Embrace the burner plate.
5. Realize there is gravy all over the burner plate.
6. Reject the nasty burner plate and push it from you with great drama.
7. Mince back to sink utilizing the “With Cat Like Tread” GoffDanceStep(tm), found here.
8. Swish the burner plate in hot soapy water. You can utilize the “My Artificial Hip Joint” step here, if you want to mix it up a little.
9. Half turn, waft more.
10. Dance back to stove with Catlike Tread, swish cloth over top of stove utilizing the Sweeping The Floor move, then do the Artificial Hip Joint again, knee up, half turn, back step, front step.
11. Repeat with each burner plate, until stove is done.

If you do this, and pop some Sisters of Mercy on the ipod, you will find your Batlady experience suitably enhanced.

My daughter would like me to point out that I normally have Bollywood soundtracks going when Batlady-ing my house. It’s true. I tend to find Bollywood a little more engaging for these sorts of activities, and Bollywood dance moves, like Goff dance moves, lend themselves to cleaning very nicely. They’re also sort of mix and match, so you can retain valuable Goth Points while bouncing all over the place.

At any rate. It’s amazing how much nicer things are when you clean them regularly, is what I am trying to say…

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About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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11 Responses to The Batlady Cleans…

  1. Jessica says:

    Very true. If only it was so nice to have to go through the process of cleaning them to get them to sparkle and shine…

  2. Marilyn says:

    Yes, but who wants to clean regularly. When you clean regularly it is more difficult to see the results. I like to enjoy seeing the results.

    • Rainy says:

      This is totally true. But I live with Mongols teenagers. πŸ˜› Who are capable of producing a mess that will allow me to see results in… five seconds. πŸ˜€

  3. Wendy says:

    I’ve spent ten luxurious days spinning, knitting and cleaning (a bit) and it’s amazing how little time it takes when the Demons are not following you around destroying it all!

  4. Mouse says:

    I need… NEEED this Batlady cleaning system! I still subscribe to Flylady but most of the emails are a bit much for me – too nauseatingly upbeat. The goth dance moves website made me giggle… I’m just shocked that they didn’t mention what I believe to be the most ‘famous’ of Goth dances — the “taffy puller”.

  5. Phoe says:

    I was always partial to “swatting flies in slow motion” myself. πŸ™‚

  6. Reesa says:

    My googlefu is failing me. Could I talk you out of a link to the website/group?

  7. Reesa says:

    Duh. Nevermind.

  8. Susan C says:

    Ha ha! I love your approach to cleaning and life.

  9. Lady Euphoria Deathwatch says:

    Hi Rainy,

    Thank you so much for the link. Being an elder goth, I’m not up with the younger scene and it is always fun to look in on them.

    Hugs, Euphoria

  10. roggey says:

    I have to agree about a Bollywood soundtrack for cleaning – it works for me every time!

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