We’ve all heard about the Flylady, I’m sure, that uber happy gal who advocates cleaning your house in a very systematic but effective fashion and whose chirpy reminder emails are apparently legion. Er, frequent. Like, crazily so. Well she’s a little bit too happy for me, frankly, I’m a little suspicious of anyone who is that cheerful. Some Goth folks I know started this group called BatLady which is TOTALLY riffing off the Flylady schtick, but without the annoying reminder emails, no religious overtones, and you know, it includes bats. And stompy boots. So, it is right up my alley.
After 4 back to back school terms, my house looks as if a small horde of Mongol raiders swept over it, so I have busted out all my old Batlady journals and am attempting to put together something resembling an organized approach to getting my house back together. It was while contemplating this, that I realized there isn’t much that’s spooky about cleaning the stove. So I came up with a little Goth dance to do at the same time.
1. Fill sink with hot soapy water and waft a little.
2. Turn, back step, flail arms, and dance to stove.
3. Pick up the burner plate.
4. Embrace the burner plate.
5. Realize there is gravy all over the burner plate.
6. Reject the nasty burner plate and push it from you with great drama.
7. Mince back to sink utilizing the “With Cat Like Tread” GoffDanceStep(tm), found here.
8. Swish the burner plate in hot soapy water. You can utilize the “My Artificial Hip Joint” step here, if you want to mix it up a little.
9. Half turn, waft more.
10. Dance back to stove with Catlike Tread, swish cloth over top of stove utilizing the Sweeping The Floor move, then do the Artificial Hip Joint again, knee up, half turn, back step, front step.
11. Repeat with each burner plate, until stove is done.
If you do this, and pop some Sisters of Mercy on the ipod, you will find your Batlady experience suitably enhanced.
My daughter would like me to point out that I normally have Bollywood soundtracks going when Batlady-ing my house. It’s true. I tend to find Bollywood a little more engaging for these sorts of activities, and Bollywood dance moves, like Goff dance moves, lend themselves to cleaning very nicely. They’re also sort of mix and match, so you can retain valuable Goth Points while bouncing all over the place.
At any rate. It’s amazing how much nicer things are when you clean them regularly, is what I am trying to say…