Took the younguns off to the Irwindale Dam and the So Cal Renaissance Faire on Saturday and a great time was had by all.
Given that when I was actively working at and involved with faire on a regular basis, S was a toddler and E was a nursing infant in arms, it was very amusing to take them back and introduce them to all our old friends. Now some of these folks had seen them in recent years, others not, but it was pretty much uniformly a jaw dropping “WOW!” response.
It was strange to be there with the girls. S is the age now that I was when I worked faire the first time. And I remember the hijinks I got up to at that age! Walking behind them, I really struggled with the fact that I am greyer, a little thicker in the middle, and I felt kind of faded and invisible. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – I am going to turn 40 next year and I am figuring out how I want to go on in the great good world as a woman who is not 20 any more. Because I don’t want to be the mom who dresses in her kid’s clothes and looks like she’s trying so hard, but at the same time, I don’t want to be faded and invisible. I’m at that age, in our society, where it becomes a bit of a struggle not to be marginalized and shoved to the side in favor of the New Young Pretty Things. Well I say that’s bullshit, frankly, but I was also acutely aware of it happening and it gave me a lot of food for thought.
I am seriously considering working faire next season, as I am not tied to very small children any longer and I only live 20 minutes from fairesite. It could be a lot of fun. Working the Ren Faire was a huge part of my young adult life and it tremendously impacted who I grew up to be. It feels a bit like home, and the people there all still feel like family. I feel like I’m sinking back into something that, while it fits very differently and rubs against different places, still fits.
I think it has something to do with remembering who I used to be and how so often it was a completely thoughtless thing, and now realizing that I can be who I choose to be and that it is, in fact, better that way.
Getting older is really weird. But you only go this way once and you can’t go backwards, so you might as well put some thought into enjoying it as you go forward.