What To Do or Not To Do In Airport Terminals.
1. When sending your teenager off on a cross country flight alone, DO get a pass so you can accompany her through Security and to her gate. She will want you to buy her things on the way. She will also want you to point things out like, “Why don’t you take all your metal off now while we’re far back in line, so when we get to the head of the line we won’t be That Guy and hold everyone up.” and “Make sure you have your ID with your boarding pass so you can get through the checkpoint quickly and easily.” and stuff like that. She will want you to do these things so that she can eye-roll dramatically at you.
2. DO NOT burst into tears after you hug her goodbye, and rush up to the gate agent and say, loudly, so that EVERYONE in the line can hear you, “Are you SURE this is flight number XXX going to $destination?” while ignoring the blinking, scrolling red LED sign that reads “FLIGHT XXX TO $DESTINATION” that is flashing over said gate agent’s head.
This will cause your teenager to turn around from where she is standing in the boarding line, look horrified and say at the top of her lungs, “MOTHER. MO-THER. Oh my GOD. If it were the wrong flight, they’d tell me when they saw my boarding pass. JEEEEEZ.”
While everyone in line is trying not to laugh. And the gate agent is failing, so actually, laughing.
3. Do not, then, sniffle and say, “Well. But. You’re my BAAAABY. I have to make sure.”
This is guaranteed to cause the teenager’s eyes to bug out even larger than you ever thought they could bug, and she will moan, “MooOOOoOOm.” and then practically run down the little gangway to her plane where she can be far away from you.
Secretly? She will actually love that you did this. Because it 1. makes her feel loved and 2. confirms her worldview that you are a world class dork and therefore she is cooler than you, in fact, this will confirm that somehow, she is cooler than everyone else on the plane.
I know this is all true.
I also know that Delta Airlines terminal at LAX is ridiculously crowded at 4am on a weekday morning and I know that Delta Airlines lost my child’s luggage while the school group she was meeting temporarily lost my child. In a large metropolitan airport. 2/3 of the way across the country in the Deep South.
I think it’s an auspicious beginning to a 10 day trek along the Civil Rights trail. Yep.
I’m just gonna sit here and knit on this sock. And wonder why I’m getting such tight gauge.