Today I am sitting in the jury assembly room just after our orientation had concluded and the two women behind me start talking. I can’t help but overhear what they’re talking about because one of them was very sincere and very loud and very into what she was saying. This is what she said:

“I told my daughter that she is like a beautiful cake. Every year my husband and I, we add roses and frosting swirls to the cake. One day, the cake will be done and we will give that cake to her husband and his family. I told her that letting a boy near her is like letting someone take a fingerful of her cake. What nice boy is going to want fingered cake?”

I had to go to the bathroom to laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.

Personally, I am an advocate of safe, consensual cake. I am of the opinion that as you go on in life, trying out different kinds of cake so that you really get a sense of your preferences is not a bad idea. Because you never know until you try some cake, what you are going to like. You might like vanilla. You might not. You might like Stuff with your cake. Ganache. Fondant. Jam. How can you know if you never ever have cake? There’s a whole world of cake out there.

Practice safer cake, yes, use reason, use judgement, be smart and don’t be an asshat about it, but dammit, CAKE IS OK.


I will never ever be able to un-hear the phrase “fingered cake.” Ever. In my life.

I am pro ownership of one’s own cake and all that entails.


About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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16 Responses to

  1. Inky says:

    Well then, i’m not sure I can ever look at cake, frosting or sex quite the same way again.

    Your job is done 🙂

  2. Will Pillage For Yarn says:

    My work here is DONE! Thank you! I’ll be here all week! Try the veal.

  3. Mouse says:

    “Fingered Cake” ROFLMAO. I’d have just laughed and not made it to the bathroom.. but apparently my brain goes from zero to gutter in 3.2 seconds.
    Yes.. and for Dogs sake.. use a cake dome!

  4. Will Pillage For Yarn says:


  5. BellaKarma says:

    Are you saying you can have your cake, and eat it too?

  6. Phoe says:

    I would have laughed right there and then. But then, I’m slow moving. Where people come up with these things is beyond me. Also, creepy.

  7. Will Pillage For Yarn says:

    Bella, totally. I am saying LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!

    I will never be able to walk past two teenagers making out in public again without wanting to yell “FINGERED CAKE!!” and pointing at them accusingly, ever again.

  8. teabird says:

    Wait, you want me to finger the veal? I’m so confused.

    All I can say is, it’s a good thing JKR didn’t say that Dumbledore ever fingered cake. The world as we know it would have come to an end.

  9. if time exists says:

    There is no way I would have been able to contain myself hearing someone talk about “fingered cake”. This totally made my day!

  10. Ragnar says:

    I guess I’m too late to make a joke about the having and eating of cake…but seriously. Wouldn’t it be better to have the cake right away, even if you’re just going to lick all the frosting off than let it sit around and get stale?

    Next time Isis asks me about sex (she asks about once a year, I think she’s hoping that it might change into something not so gross) I’m gonna give her the “cake” talk.

  11. Ragnar says:

    Oh wait, I just figured out! That must be where cupcakes come from.

  12. Roxie says:

    Ya know, I kind of want to decorate my own cake, not have my parents put on all the roses and swirls and stuff. What a fabulous metaphor! What if the daughter is a natural born cheesecake? Or a cherry tart?

  13. loopykd says:

    What about pot pie?

  14. Girl Meets Needle says:

    I personally don’t care for cake…I’d rather have pie.

    Hehehe. 🙂

    Now what do we do with that?

  15. Ina says:

    Poor kid. I hope she’s getting more positive messages, too.

  16. Em says:

    Hi, I’m a new reader who snuck in. I just have to say thank you. You have made my day. And now, I will never again look at cake the same way. Maybe some ladies are cakes, and some ladies are pies. Whatever the case is, there will always be tarts.

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