Blame Aunt Purl. Today it is all about my arse.

Crazy Aunt Purl rocks my socks this morning with her latest post about all things booty. Now you KNOW, being a pirate, I am all about the booty, right? Well I am. And it’s a good thing, too, because I am generously endowed with my own junk in the trunk and there’s no getting around that.

Years and years of hating my butt, of not being able to find pants that fit right, of being told things like, “You’ve got a bubble butt.” like it was, “You’ve got bubonic plague.” have not made for an easy relationship. I have historically loathed my body, avoided tight clothing, really, avoided anything even remotely figure enhancing (or even figure showing), I spent the years between 20 and 34 hiding my body behind shapeless clothes and never really enjoying it. But a couple of years ago, I figured out that hey, wait a minute. My milkshake does indeed bring all the boys to the yard. That’s right. I have a GREAT ass. So there. I have lost my fear of the fitted baby tee. I do not need to wear a man’s XXL tee shirt over my leggings. Things can end at my waist and not cover the butt. It is incredibly freeing. I enjoy clothing again. I enjoy my body and moving in it again. At 34, I started dancing again, after nearly a decade and a half of hiding.

This week, I started taking a hooping class [QT embedded link]. “What is hooping?” you ask. Well, it’s simple. It’s dancing, to some funkay grooves, with a hula hoop.

“Well what does a hula hoop have to do with your ass?” you say.

Excuse, but do you remember using a hula hoop as a kid? Remember what you had to shake to get that hoop up and going? One could argue that the same principle applies to (some) boys (if they swing that way), but this is a family show, so I won’t digress. Suffice it to say, should you need further elaboration in that department, you might want to read this. See again, milkshake, and also, yard. There is no charge.

Here is what I have learned after just one class and a couple of days with my hula hoop.

1. It is impossible to stay in a bad mood if you are hula hooping. It just makes you laugh.
2. It is impossible to hate your body if you are hula hooping, because your body feels so good when you are hooping.
3. It is addictive. You might find yourself making the children eat leftovers for dinner while you go out into the carport and hula hoop for a half an hour. And then, um, do the dishes later because you have a wild hare to go hoop more.
4. The neighbors will look at you funny. Keep hooping. It doesn’t matter.

There are a few things I can’t do with my hoop yet, like, well, walk in any direction, turn, spin, KNIT or anything more than really, “keep it up.” but I’m working on it. I came home from my first class feeling very triumphant, handed the hoop to my oldest daughter and watched her master all that and more in 10 minutes. Which is not even the amount of time that it took me to learn to GET it up and keep it there. Like, think half of a two hour class, right? Discouraged? No. I’ll get there. Me and my ass, we’re working on it. After 3 days with the hoop, my body already feels more open, looser, and I feel energized and happy. I’ve slept great. My mood swings have evened out. I am obsessed with all things hooping.

I can’t wait to light it on fire.

Aunt Purl, you really should come out and hoop with me sometime. It’ll help the whole booty acceptance process. I’ll bring the hoops, you bring the wine and we’ll have ourselves a high old time.


About Maia Rainwood

Owner and Maker at Maia Rainwood Design. Wearable art for wise women, birth keepers, witches, and world-builders.
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6 Responses to Blame Aunt Purl. Today it is all about my arse.

  1. Ellen Bloom says:

    Hooping sounds fun! It’s been something like a million years since I last hooped. Where do you hoop? There are hoop classes? Does the Wham-O Corporation know about this? Inquiring minds need to know!

  2. Will Pillage For Yarn says:

    Ellen, yes! There are classes! I study with Rayna and Keaton at Hoopnotica ( at the Hwood Dance Center (on Highland), they also give classes in Long Beach and in Sherman Oaks.

    There are hoop jams and a couple of nights a week there are hoopers gathering down near the beach to hoop.

    It’s a hoopalicious world.

  3. Jill says:

    Ohmygosh, I so want to be The Happy Hooker Hooper!
    In elementary school, I won second place in the hoolahooping competition during our “Olympics.”
    I need to get a hoola hoop … then show off my moves at Disney’s California Adventure during their music/hoola hooping show.

  4. Geogrrl says:

    The hooping class sounds like fun.

    I’m starting to better accept what I look like. My butt doesn’t stick out that much, but it is wide. I have an 11″ differential between waist and hips, making it a bitch to find pants and skirts that fit. When I was young, I was made to feel really self-conscious for having a “big butt”: by boys I went to school with and by the clothing and fashion industry. All conspired to make me believe there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t a size 6 and couldn’t fit into clothing intended for 12-year old boys.

    Eventually I realized that no matter how hard I worked out, dieted, whatever, I was never going to fit the ideal of what is desirable. I’m 25 lbs overweight now, but I just don’t have the energy, time, or dedication to do anything about it. When I do have time to myself, there are just so many other interesting things to see and do.

  5. crazyauntpurl says:

    I will come hoop with you… if we can do it in Sherman Oaks 😉

  6. Will Pillage For Yarn says:

    Purl, I will totally come to SO and bring hoops. As long as you have wine! And that is definitely something because I almost never leave the Westside/Hollywood environs! Yes, I do totally grok the hermity, not wanting to go to the other side of the big scary hill thang, cos, well, yeah. Who in their right mind wants to go over that hill in any direction?

    You know, if you like it, there’s hooping classes IN Sherman Oaks. 😉

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