Crazy Aunt Purl rocks my socks this morning with her latest post about all things booty. Now you KNOW, being a pirate, I am all about the booty, right? Well I am. And it’s a good thing, too, because I am generously endowed with my own junk in the trunk and there’s no getting around that.
Years and years of hating my butt, of not being able to find pants that fit right, of being told things like, “You’ve got a bubble butt.” like it was, “You’ve got bubonic plague.” have not made for an easy relationship. I have historically loathed my body, avoided tight clothing, really, avoided anything even remotely figure enhancing (or even figure showing), I spent the years between 20 and 34 hiding my body behind shapeless clothes and never really enjoying it. But a couple of years ago, I figured out that hey, wait a minute. My milkshake does indeed bring all the boys to the yard. That’s right. I have a GREAT ass. So there. I have lost my fear of the fitted baby tee. I do not need to wear a man’s XXL tee shirt over my leggings. Things can end at my waist and not cover the butt. It is incredibly freeing. I enjoy clothing again. I enjoy my body and moving in it again. At 34, I started dancing again, after nearly a decade and a half of hiding.
This week, I started taking a hooping class [QT embedded link]. “What is hooping?” you ask. Well, it’s simple. It’s dancing, to some funkay grooves, with a hula hoop.
“Well what does a hula hoop have to do with your ass?” you say.
Excuse, but do you remember using a hula hoop as a kid? Remember what you had to shake to get that hoop up and going? One could argue that the same principle applies to (some) boys (if they swing that way), but this is a family show, so I won’t digress. Suffice it to say, should you need further elaboration in that department, you might want to read this. See again, milkshake, and also, yard. There is no charge.
Here is what I have learned after just one class and a couple of days with my hula hoop.
1. It is impossible to stay in a bad mood if you are hula hooping. It just makes you laugh.
2. It is impossible to hate your body if you are hula hooping, because your body feels so good when you are hooping.
3. It is addictive. You might find yourself making the children eat leftovers for dinner while you go out into the carport and hula hoop for a half an hour. And then, um, do the dishes later because you have a wild hare to go hoop more.
4. The neighbors will look at you funny. Keep hooping. It doesn’t matter.
There are a few things I can’t do with my hoop yet, like, well, walk in any direction, turn, spin, KNIT or anything more than really, “keep it up.” but I’m working on it. I came home from my first class feeling very triumphant, handed the hoop to my oldest daughter and watched her master all that and more in 10 minutes. Which is not even the amount of time that it took me to learn to GET it up and keep it there. Like, think half of a two hour class, right? Discouraged? No. I’ll get there. Me and my ass, we’re working on it. After 3 days with the hoop, my body already feels more open, looser, and I feel energized and happy. I’ve slept great. My mood swings have evened out. I am obsessed with all things hooping.
I can’t wait to light it on fire.
Aunt Purl, you really should come out and hoop with me sometime. It’ll help the whole booty acceptance process. I’ll bring the hoops, you bring the wine and we’ll have ourselves a high old time.